Dear, Myself
by luna-magic-2005
Summary: Usagi wakes up in the hospital with amnesia and the only link to her forgotten past is a letter she wrote to herself two years before… Usa/Mamo AU
1. Chapter 1

Standard disclaimer that applies to all my stories: I don't own a damn thing.

Summary: Usagi wakes up in the hospital with amnesia and the only link to her forgotten past is a letter she wrote to herself two years before…

I couldn't remember Andrew's (the arcade guy) Japanese name, so I'm using his American one. Hope you don't mind!

The title doesn't belong to me nor does the plot line, the only thing that really has me stamped on it the way I write it. I got this idea off of the manga "Dear Myself". After I read it I started thinking… what would happen to Usagi if something like this happened to her and Mamoru? So here it is, folks, and you read this knowing I own absolutely nothing.

But, like all authors know, it's not about being read, it's about being written. Read it anyways and enjoy despite the fact that I'm completely penniless and I can't claim a single thing to this entire story.

* * *

**Dear, Myself**

**Chapter One: Uh… Come again?**

**By: Luna**

* * *

_Dear, Myself_

_Today I met a boy unlike any other I have ever met in my entire life…ha, that's right; I can't remember any other boy in my life, can I?_

_////\\\\_

She blinked blearily at the white ceiling and wondered why it didn't look familiar. And why the hell did it smell so… _clean_? Something was wrapped around her head, and she weakly reached up to touch the bandage. What the…? She looked to her side and stared at the machines sitting there. They were shut down, so she didn't bother checking to see if she was hooked up to them or not. What was she doing here? Was it a hospital?

She looked to her other side, the one facing the window, and blinked when her eyes landed on a man slumped over in a hospital chair and looking really uncomfortable. She cocked her head to the side and looked him over, wondering why he was here. Who was he? He had black hair in desperate need of a haircut, since his bangs were hanging in his eyes and the back of his hair was brushing against the collar of his black shirt. He had a pretty face, but the way it was relaxed in sleep told her he wasn't the friendliest sort of man. And he was big. Not fat, but definitely tall and looked athletic. Why was he here again? Better yet, why was _she_ here?

As she continued to stare at him, his eyes opened and she met his dark blue gaze and blinked at the empty expression in them. The look was immediately replaced with relief, and he jumped up with a large smile spreading across his face. The change was so abrupt that she blinked in surprise and could only stare at his hand when he reached to hold hers in it.

"Thank God you're awake!" he said with that smile changing his face so completely that she wondered if she had imaged that lonely expression.

She opened her mouth, but at that moment the door slammed open and a flood of people walked through, mostly women. When they saw her sitting up and awake the sounds of exclamations they let loose hurt her ears, and she pressed back into the hospital bed, her hand unconsciously gripping the mans hand tighter. He had looked up to smile at the newcomers in relief, but when she clutched at his hand he stared down at her in mild confusion.

A sexy woman with raven hair and violet eyes approached her with a cocked hip and attitude. "What the hell do you think you're doing worrying us like this? You've been out for days!"

A tall Amazon like woman with brunette hair and startling green eyes placed a hand over the girls shoulder and smiled. "She was just worried, don't mind her."

Another blonde, like herself, stepped forward and gave an airy laugh. "Yeah, she was the worst the entire walk over here! I was about to gag her, wasn't I Andy?"

"Sure was," A good looking man said, and she assumed this was Andy. "Reika meant to be here, but wasn't able to because of work. But she said to tell you she loves and misses you."

She looked around at all of her guests before looking back at the dark haired man. They were looking at her so expectantly that she couldn't help but release a nervous laugh. "Um, who are you guys again?"

The silence could have killed her before a quiet blue haired girl – she hadn't noticed her before since she had hid herself behind the group – stepped forward after shooting nervous glances at everyone. "Um, Usagi, I don't think they get that joke."

The dark haired man's hand had loosened up so she was able to pull away easily. "Is that my name? Um, Usagi, I mean?"

It was a nice name, she supposed, and wondered what her last name was.

"Usagi, what the hell are you talking about?" the dark haired man stood up abruptly, the movement causing his chair to slide back violently.

She shrunk away from him and stared at him with wide eyes. "I-I'm sorry!"

He froze when he noticed how she cowered away from him, and tore himself away from her side and stormed out the door. The dark haired girl watched him leave with worried eyes before she glared down at Usagi with fire in her eyes. "Why did you do that to him, Usagi? I know you guys were never close, but Mamoru stayed by your side the entire time you were in the out cold!"

Usagi looked at the door with an uncertain look. "Mamoru? His name is Mamoru?"

"Of course his name is Mamoru!" She burst out, her arms thrown out wide in emphasis. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Rei, stop." The blue haired girl's voice came out surprisingly commanding, and 'Rei' shut up immediately. "Usagi, do you know who I am?"

Tears of frustration sprung to her eyes and a head ache started, and Usagi drew back a little from the group. "S-should I?"

"Everyone, leave her alone." A quiet, dark voice said from the doorway. Everyone looked to see Mamoru leaning up against the door jam watching Usagi with quiet eyes. All traces of his smile were gone and he stared down at her with a blank, expressionless face. Usagi didn't like the expression at all, and for some reason wished he would smile again. He walked to her slowly until he once again stood beside her, that blank look making her shift uncomfortably for a moment before he sighed a little. Then he took her hand. "Don't be afraid, okay? I won't leave you."

Usagi started crying, and vaguely she heard the girl called Ami shoo everyone outside until she was left with only Mamoru. She looked up at him with watery eyes. "Are we… are we friends?"

He looked surprised, but he smiled a little before his face settled back into the serious face he had worn while he was sleeping. She was right; he didn't look friendly at all when he didn't smile. "Yes." Then he winced. "Well, sort of."

"Oh." Usagi studied how small her hand looked engulfed in his. Then she peaked up at him from under her lashes. "Do I care for you?"

Mamoru looked away, and his expression was pained. Was she not nice to him…? "Ah," he patted her arm in an awkward movement before moving towards the door. "I'm going to go get your doctor."

Usagi was left alone in the large hospital room, and her heart started hurting when the door finally clicked shut behind him. Why? Who were those people? Sniffling, she wiped away tears from her cheeks and looked around the room again. She couldn't remember what happened, who they were, and why her heart hurt so badly when she watched Mamoru walk away from her. She stood slowly to make her way to the window, and pressed her nose against the glass to try and see as far down as she could. There wasn't anything to see except trees and grass, so she sighed and sat down in the chair Mamoru had vacated.

A good looking older woman stepped in the room and smiled gently at Usagi before picking up the chart at the end of the bed. "Hello, Usagi-chan. My name is Dr. Mizuno, I'll be your doctor. Your parents will be here soon to check on you. Once they get here, I will go over everything about your condition. Are you feeling alright?"

"I just have a little bit of a headache, that's all." Usagi said quietly. She watched the older woman look over her chart a few more minutes before smiling at Usagi.

"Don't worry, Usagi-chan, I'll get one of the girls to come in here and keep you company."

She was gone before Usagi could protest. She didn't want to wait for one of those girls to come in, so she looked around quickly for something to wrap over her, and her eyes landed on an ugly green jacket that was left hanging on the coat rack by the door. Quickly slipping it on, she was surprised at how nice it smelt; like roses with a pine aftershave. She was about to go through the door when she remembered the bandage around her head, and quickly yanked it off and dropped it on the floor. Without a backwards glance, she snuck out the room.

She looked both ways before her eyes landed on the stairs, and walked as fast as she dared before making her way up to the roof. The jacket was large and fell to her knees, and it helped to hide her long hair and hospital robe, and she wrapped it tighter around her when she reached the rooftop and a cool breeze brushed across her face. She sighed with relief, so glad that she was out of the stuffy atmosphere of that room. Making her way to the railing, she leaned her arms against it and closed her eyes with her face tipped up towards the sun.

"I knew you were going to come up here sooner or later."

Turning her head to look over her shoulder, Usagi watched as Mamoru stubbed out a cigarette and made his way over to lean up against the rail next to her. He stared out at the Tokyo scenery, and Usagi couldn't help but notice how isolated and lonely his face was already turning. Nothing like the smile he had shown her upon first waking up. Then he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "How could you forget about me, Usagi?"

He wasn't accusing her, but he sounded so tired and sad that Usagi's heart started to hurt again. "I'm sorry. I don't even remember myself. Like, what do I like to eat? What's my favorite color?" She laughed a little and propped her chin in the palm of her hand. "I don't even know what my last name is."

"Anything that isn't green, pink, and your last name is Tsukino." Mamoru said, and Usagi looked over at him with surprised eyes. He raised his brow at her. "What? You wanted to know."

Smiling over at him for one more moment, she looked back out towards the scenery. "Thanks, Mamoru-kun."

She felt rather than seen his surprise, but he didn't say anything except to pull out and light another cigarette. He laughed a little and threw away his cigarette without even taking a drag. "So why did you escape, anyways? Even if you had forgotten the girls, I would have thought that you'd still get a sense of comfort from them."

"No…" Usagi said, trailing off in thought. "I didn't want them forcing their kindness on me."

Mamoru gave a harsh laugh and tipped his head down enough so his bangs hid the emotions in his eyes. "Yeah… I hate people like that."

Suddenly Usagi's head felt dizzy and an insistent pang started in the back of her eyes.

"_I hate… people like you."_

"Usagi…"

"_Disappear… disappear from my sight."_

"Hey, Usagi… are you alright?"

Blinking, Usagi looked over at Mamoru and smiled at him brightly. "Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm fine. My head just started hurting for a second. What was it you said?"

He stared at her with a strange expression on his face before smiling and reached out to ruffle her loose blonde hair. "Nothing. You should head back to your room, I'm sure everyone is worried about you."

"I guess you're right." She said, suddenly flustered and had no idea why. What was that just now…? She touched her head where his hand had rested and self consciously ducked her head. "I have to return this ugly jacket anyways. I kind of stole it off of the coat rack in my room."

"You can borrow it." Mamoru said and walked past her, ruffling her hair once more as he went. "And it isn't _that_ ugly."

Blinking, Usagi laughed and followed him. He was a lot nicer than what he seemed at first, she thought with a smile.

"Usagi!"

She stopped just before her room, staring with wide eyes as an older couple started rushing towards her from the other side of the hospital. Scared, she took a step back, running into and pressing up against Mamoru's hard chest. Her heart started to beat a little faster, and her breaths came out in short pants as panic started closing in.

"Oh, my poor baby!" The woman cried out, reaching her arms wide open for Usagi even though she was still about ten feet away, as if she expected Usagi to jump into them.

The man pushed his glasses up his nose and pretended he wasn't sniveling. "Oh my poor little girl, Usagi-chan! How have you been holding up? Haven't we always told you to look both ways before crossing the street? If it weren't for that hooligan you hang out with, this would never have happened!"

This was said with a glare at the man Usagi was currently plastered up against, and she started to tremble. She felt his large hands settle over her shoulders and that helped calm her somewhat, but these two people were still crowding around her and reaching out their greedy hands. She felt herself start to cry…

"_Stay away from her!_" Mamoru yelled, wrapping a strong arm around her shoulders and reaching his other hand around her as if to ward off the two people. They stopped, blinking in disbelief at the boy who dared try and keep them away from their daughter. Mamoru wrapped his other arm her and held her tight while he glared at her parents, his dislike for them clearly in his eyes. "Can't you see you're scaring her?"

Finally, they looked at their daughter and noticed how wide and frightened her eyes were and how she desperately pressed herself against Mamoru. Ilene hesitantly reached out and flinched when Usagi moved even more away, Mamoru moving with her and pressing his cheek to her temple in an extremely intimate embrace that made most onlookers blush, and the look on his face as he stared at her parents was almost smug. Of course Usagi couldn't see it, and even if she had it wouldn't have mattered. He was her only anchor, and his obvious dislike for these people would not have mattered to her at the moment.

Ken Tsukino looked uncertainly between his wife and daughter before turning on his heel. "Doctor Mizuno!" He started yelling as he marched back down the hall. "Doctor Mizuno, come here right now!"

The lovely doctor appeared quickly, assessing the situation with calm eyes before gesturing towards Usagi's hospital room. Dr. Mizuno at first protested Mamoru's presence, but stopped after Usagi seemed unable to let him go. They settled on opposite sides, the silence stretching most uncomfortably. Dr. Mizuno cleared her throat. "Yes, I was hoping that I would be able to see you two before you've seen your daughter, and by now I'm sure you've seen the changes in Usagi-chan. She has temporary amnesia. There is no telling when she will ever regain her memory of the last seventeen years."

"In fact," Here she hesitated and focused her sympathetic eyes on Mamoru. "she may not remember anything at all."

Mamoru tensed beside her but didn't say anything as he listened for the doctor to continue. "Though she may recover her early memories such as when she was a child but… she might not remember anything recent. It's very uncertain, and something like amnesia cannot be cured by any medicine or any counseling. The only thing that I can recommend is to take things slowly. Try not to force her into anything or make her remember anything. Let things come naturally to her."

"Like school," Ken said, his voice hard and dark as he glared over at Mamoru before his gaze gentled and he looked at Usagi. "You will be going to an all girls school as soon as you are feeling up to it."

Ilene stared at him strangely before following her eyes to Mamoru. She personally had nothing against him. She knew his unsuitable background and heard of the nasty rumors about him being in a gang, even though he was only a senior in high school… and even that was iffy. Her friend Eri was a teacher at Usagi's high school and she said Mamoru ditched classes regularly, was disrespectful to his peers, and yet oddly enough scored high enough grades to be considered an elite student. He was either a genius or incredibly lucky.

Ken had taken one look at him the very first day Mamoru had walked Usagi home dressed in his school uniform with his jacket unbuttoned as well as the top buttons of his white shirt, and had taken an immediate dislike to the poor boy. Ilene, on the other hand, had been apprehensive at first when her bubbly daughter introduced him, and had been intimidated by his cold face. And yet…

She had never seen another boy look at her daughter in such a way.

So she sighed and interrupted her husband for maybe the first time in public. "Don't be ridiculous, Ken. We can't afford it and we want to surround her with familiar things. She'll continue to go to Juuban High with the rest of her friends, and hopefully that will help jog her memory a bit."

He glared down at her with an angry pout on his face, but clammed up immediately when Ilene shot him a cool glance. Rare it was when his wife got angry, but when she did and gave him that cool look, he knew when to shut up. "Fine. But her friend Rei goes to an all girls school and look how refined _she_ is." Again, he shot Mamoru a dirty glance. "Not at all like some of her relatives."

Usagi blinked at that and looked at Mamoru. "Relative?"

"Rei is my cousin." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Anyways, I suggest she gets plenty of rest." Dr. Mizuno said, smiling reassuringly at everyone before moving towards the door way. "Mr. Tsukino? Please follow me; I'll set up all the paperwork for you to sign to discharge Usagi."

Ilene stood awkwardly for a moment before stepping forward and patting Usagi's arm. "I'll go handle your father, Usagi-chan. You don't worry about a thing, I'll make sure your father doesn't try to interfere too often." She smiled fleetingly at Mamoru. "That goes for you too, Mamoru-kun. It will help me a great deal if he stays unprovoked."

He held her gaze only for a moment before he dropped his eyes to the floor. Out of all the adults he knew Ilene Tsukino was the only one he could actually respect. After keeping Usagi up one night past curfew, he had learned just how scary she could be – and that was _without_ the daddy backing her up. "Yes, ma'am."

Ilene nodded approvingly and moved towards the door. "Good boy. Usagi, I've brought clothes for you, they're hanging in the bathroom. Please change and be ready in fifteen minutes."

Mamoru sighed the minute the door closed and smiled down at her. "You must be tired. I'll leave you alone to change."

"Wait!" Usagi quickly shrugged off his jacket and awkwardly before handing it over to him. He took it silently and merely stared down at her, making Usagi fidget for a bit before he nodded and turned away. "Um! Will… will I see you again?"

He hesitated before smiling at her and reached over to ruffle her hair, then ran his fingers down her long locks and stroked her golden hair between his fingertips before turning back towards the door. "Of course you will, Meatball Head."

Usagi immediately blushed and smiled at his back shyly, and resisted the girlish urge to giggle and dig a foot in the ground. Then she frowned.

Meatball Head? What kind of a nickname was _that_?

\\\--///

Don't worry about the Dear, Myself excerpts at the beginning of each chapter. I'm going to tie it all in with the final installment.

Review, tell me what you think.

Luna


	2. Chapter 2

Standard disclaimer that applies to all my stories: I don't own a damn thing.

The title doesn't belong to me nor does the plot line, the only thing that really has me stamped on it the way I write it. I got this idea off of the manga "Dear Myself". After I read it I started thinking… what would happen to Usagi if something like this happened to her and Mamoru? So here it is, folks, and you read this knowing I own absolutely nothing.

But, like all authors know, it's not about being read, it's about being written. But read it anyways and enjoy despite the fact that I'm completely penniless and I can't claim a single thing to this entire story.

* * *

Now, I'm not planning on making this a long story – JUST four chapters, tops. Next chapter's the second to last, and if you reviewed like you did last chapter, I'll even write it faster! Thanks for all the reviews, they really meant a lot and totally impressed me! I'm glad so many of you like my story so much!

Summary: Usagi wakes up in the hospital with amnesia and the only link to her forgotten past is a letter she wrote to herself two years before…

I couldn't remember Andrew's (the arcade guy) Japanese name, so I used his American name for the first chapter. But thanks to a helpful reviewer, from now on I'm able to use his Japanese name, Motoki! Thanks again! (And now that someone told me I keep asking myself, "Why didn't I remember that? Duh!")

* * *

**Dear, Myself**

**Chapter Two: Dreams…**

**By: Luna**

* * *

_In the dark, I heard someone crying._

Usagi blinked at the darkness that surrounded her and wondered why it was her voice she heard talking. Was she dreaming?

_He had such lonely eyes, and his cries were very, very sad. I gave him a rose, and he smiled at me._

What was she talking about? Who?

_Don't you want him always to be smiling?_

Who? Usagi asked again, and swerved on her heel and started to search frantically for the source of the voice. But it surrounded her, filled her, and in the end Usagi could only stand there and listen. After a while a faint light appeared in the distance, and since Usagi didn't really have a choice she followed it, stumbling every now and then since she couldn't really see where her feet were stepping.

_He was all alone, you know._

The light got stronger, and Usagi slowed down since she started to get a little wary as to where it might lead her.

_He had just lost a friend, and now alone with amnesia in the middle of an orphanage that didn't want grown little boys, he was now more alone than ever before. I had seen him. **We** had seen him. And we had loved him._

Usagi slowed to a stop when the light surrounded her, and she found herself standing off to the side in a white room that looked as if it were a first aid clinic, and a mini Usagi sat next to a young dark haired boy that had his head wrapped up in gauze, and he was staring at a rose that the mini-Usagi had thrust into his hands with a dumb founded look on his face.

_We hadn't seen him in years; not until high school and I had thought that he had just been a nice memory. But he was different. He wasn't the smiling boy that I had remembered. In fact, he wasn't even a boy; he was a man before he should have been, and a cold one at that._

Usagi turned around since the voice, for a moment, seemed to be whispering right behind her. She was now in a school court yard and it looked to be early in the morning when all the students were making their way inside to start the day. Another Usagi stood with the group of girls that had bombarded her on that day, minus Rei and Mina. She had her hair made up in the oddest of hairstyles that made Usagi realize why Mamoru had called her Meatball Head the other day. Mamoru was standing behind Lita, and even though his eyes were cold and expressionless, they never left the other Usagi's form for a moment. She wondered if the other Usagi noticed, or even cared.

_We didn't recognize him, of course. Not at first anyways. He was too mean and called you a lot of names…_

Everyone said that they didn't get along very well. Even Mamoru said they couldn't really be called friends. And yet… Usagi had the feeling that they had been the closest of them all. More than Rei and the rest of those girls, and even more than Motoki could ever be to any of them. Despite forgetting, there was this link that ran between them; a thin red ribbon that was wrapped around her heart and led inexplicably back to Mamoru, and that was something not even memory loss seemed to be able to cut.

_And after a couple of months of name calling you kissed him and for once you left him speechless. _

What?! She kissed Mamoru? When? Why on earth couldn't she at least remember something as important as that?!

_But it was secret. No one knew, no one suspected. They all thought we hated each other and never suspected how much love and respect grew behind such tasteless masks of ice and sunshine. Mamoru loved you -- he loved us. Of course, nothing more happened than that one kiss and maybe a few embraces, but feelings as strong as we have kept hidden can't be easily expressed with just a word, a kiss, a feeling. Just in looks. Always in the way he looked at us when no else could see. The way he would smile at us, and only us. Don't you want him always to be smiling? I think you do. You are me, after all._

To be honest, Usagi didn't know how she felt about Mamoru. She couldn't say she didn't feel anything, for every time he smiled at her and looked at her a certain way, her heartbeat would speed up and her knees would suddenly feel weak. But love? She didn't know. She couldn't decide that just then, especially since she did not remember a thing about him. What did he like to eat? His favorite color? His past that everyone was talking about but no one really _saying_ anything about? Why had he liked her to begin with? Why had she even liked him? It was all so confusing, and Usagi didn't think that she would just be able to snap her fingers and be all over Mamoru like a girlfriend should. Even that little bit was confusing -- was she even his girlfriend? Did she even want to be anymore?

… _Maybe it's a good thing that the only thing you have to remember is a letter you wrote to yourself and hid away under your bed, to read at night when nobody else could see you smile…_

What? But when she blinked she was staring up at her bedroom ceiling and her alarm clock was blinking red for six o'clock in the morning. With a sigh, she closed her eyes again and willed herself to fall asleep again.

Usagi groaned and rolled out of bed, hating the fact that that stupid dream made it feel as if she hadn't slept at all. It felt the same as when she woke up at the hospital. She hadn't been given time to really think it through since all of those girls had stormed into the room and hadn't really given her time to get her bearings. But that couldn't matter right now, because she had to find that letter. Even if it was just a dream, what if it was true? With a sigh, she rolled out of her very pink bed and lifted her mattress, blinking at how easy it was to find it.

There, folded neatly and tucked into a white envelope, was her letter. She picked it up gingerly and debated whether or not she should read it, and for some odd reason she suddenly jerked open a drawer to her vanity and shoved it inside. Why was she scared to read it? Usagi didn't know, but she knew that she didn't want to read that letter just yet and read something she might not want to. So she looked around her room at things that she could change, and her eyes landed on the bed she just recently crawled out of.

She warily stared down at the pink bed spread and the many stuffed animals that she had shoved off the bed so she could sleep. Otherwise, where on earth did she sleep amongst all of the furry little creatures? With a sigh she plopped back on her bed, staring up at the moon and stars painted on her ceiling. Whoever she had been before had obviously never got over her childishness.

Usagi heard someone clear their throat and looked up to see Rei in the doorway looking uncomfortable, a black cat in her arms. She scratched the black kitty under the chin and hugged her. "Usagi has amnesia, Luna, so don't expect her to remember you right away." She smiled at Usagi. "You are her favorite person, after all."

She didn't sit up from the bed, but she still watched as Rei set down the black cat and watched as she walked over to Usagi's dangling feet to rub against her. Usagi sighed again before deciding to sit up and eyed the girl warily. "You're Rei-san, right?"

"San?" Rei looked hurt by the honorific, but she just smiled and scratched the back of her head. "Yeah, I'm Rei. Usagi… I know you don't remember but… I wanted to apologize... you know, just in case you don't like me anymore now that you've got amnesia..."

"Apologize?" Usagi asked, truly surprised when Rei's eyes filled with tears.

"It's my fault!" she suddenly burst out. "I had gotten into a silly little argument about you and Mamoru and you stormed off, not even looking where you were going. That's when the car hit you and I watched and it was my fault since I told you to stop seeing Mamoru!"

"Seeing Mamoru…?" Usagi asked quietly, a slight pounding starting at the back of her head. She could follow Rei's rush of words, but only registered her last sentence. "We were an item?"

Her dream had said she kissed him… she'd find out for sure if she just read her letter.

Rei shook her head and hugged herself as she shifted on her heeled feet. "No, not exactly. In fact, half the time we wondered if you guys even liked each other. You don't understand… you never did. Mamoru has had such a rough childhood, you see. Losing his parents, getting amnesia himself, and then disappearing for years until my father was finally able to track him down."

Again she shook her head. "You don't understand how you were changing him! How you're still changing him and how badly you hurt him when you woke up and forgot about everything! He bounced around the system for so many years, being beaten by foster parents and defeated in so many ways. When my father finally found him it was almost too late! He had joined gangs, gotten a bad reputation, and just… _hated_. He didn't speak to us; he didn't even _look_ at us! He broke everything he touched or thought was pure because he couldn't stand to see happiness in others when he was so damn miserable himself. And then… he met you."

"It took him months to even return a _greeting_ from me." Rei sniffled and looked at Usagi with shame in her eyes. "I was so jealous of you. I mean, you threw your shoe at his head for God's sake! So why would he be attracted to you? I mean, no offense Usagi, but if you threw a shoe at _my_ head I sure wouldn't want to talk to you!" She didn't even see Usagi's dry glance because she was too busy pacing. "Granted, he mainly called you names and teased you, but he was speaking. He was looking at you in the eyes and actually _listening_ to you when you spoke."

Here, her voice got really soft and her eyes a little soft. "It was when he was with you that I had seen his first smile, and I was so damned _angry_ that it hadn't been with me first. I'm his family, for goodness sake! So I had argued with you and called you mean names in order for you to stop seeing him. I told him he'd hurt you, break you, defile you... And you know what you said?"

Usagi's mouth dried up so much that she had to force out the question, "What?"

"You said that you'd believe in him." Rei sniffled. "That you'd trust in him. That you would… _love_ him." Her shame filled eyes were cast to the floor. "And then that car hit you, and I thought that you'd died. I am so, so sorry Usagi-chan. Please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive, Rei-chan." Usagi stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the woman's shoulders and hugged her tight, "You were hurting, and you were trying to make me understand that, right? So it's okay. I'm alright, Mamoru-kun's alright, so _everything's_ alright. Right?"

Rei gave a watery laugh before wiping away her tears. "Yeah… everything's alright. After all, Mamoru wasn't the only one who changed when you two met."

What was that supposed to mean? Did she mean Usagi herself had changed? It didn't really matter now, did it? Usagi cocked her head to the side and wondered before shrugging it off. "So… you want to help me figure out what to do with all these stuffed animals? I swear, I don't know what I was thinking."

Rei looked at her strangely but smiled. "Yeah… sure. We'll put them in boxes and ask your dad to put them some where. I'd keep a few though; they always helped you sleep before."

"Why? What reason did I have to lose sleep?" She asked, looking at them with her hands on her hips. "Well, whatever. Let's go grab some boxes from the garage, yeah?"

They spent the next hour cleaning up her room, putting away various stuffed animals with the exception of a Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor V. She even changed her pink bed spread for something blue with swirling star designs on it. Once her room was clean and packed, they called her dad in and had him as planned put the boxes up in a storage closet inside the garage. He thought it strange too that she was packing away all of her stuffed animals, but shrugged his odd look away. Rei spent a couple more hours with her before she finally left for home, claiming that she had to help her grandpa with a least one chore before the sun set. Once she was gone, Usagi was left alone in blissful silence.

She tried thinking as far back as she could, but the only memories she had was when she awoke in the hospital with Mamoru sleeping by her side. In fact, if she really wanted to think about, every memory she had so far had him in it, excluding the memory she was making right now. For some reason, that thought made her smile, and she thought of how much more handsome Mamoru could be if he just smiled more often. Sure he was completely cool looking with his jet black hair, dark blue eyes, his tall and muscular body, fit from whatever athletics he did at school. But…

Mamoru usually walked around wearing a scary look on his face and his eyes with an unfriendly look in them, scaring people away and making them want to admire him from afar rather than approach him. Usagi was about to feel special that he seemed to smile only at her, but then she remembered that Rei said she saw his smiles too. In the end, she didn't care if others witnessed his smile; the fact that he started smiling at all must be a great accomplishment for someone like him. According to what Rei said he had lived a very lonely life and that his early years were filled with corruption and unkindness.

Usagi was starting to feel really bad that she had forgotten him.

"Well, no matter." She said with a decisive nod. "I'll remember when I remember!" But right now a nap was looking really good and now that she had clean covers, Usagi would feel better sleeping. She changed quickly into some comfortable pajamas and snuggled deeply into the bed and was asleep in minutes. After all, tomorrow she was going to leave the house for what seemed like the first time, and she would need all the sleep she could get. She wasn't being a coward by dismissing her dream and trying to think of anything except what it had been trying to tell her.

Tomorrow she'd read the letter. Yeah, tomorrow sounded good…

* * *

Read, review, and tell me what you think.

Luna

FFnet was acting up, so if this appears as if it's centered all the way through, sorry but it's not my fault.


	3. AUTHORS NOTE

Sorry Everyone! I've been really busy during my move from Washington, D.C to Florida, and my school is over 10 hours. But this weekend I'll try and post! The chapters are written, I just need to grab my thumb drive and post! Look for new chapters this weekend!

Luna 


	4. Chapter 3

Standard disclaimer that applies to all my stories: I don't own a damn thing

Standard disclaimer that applies to all my stories: I don't own a damn thing.

The title doesn't belong to me nor does the plot line, the only thing that really has me stamped on it the way I write it. I got this idea off of the manga "Dear Myself". This isn't even the kind of story where I started writing thinking I'm being original before realizing that its not original at all – people, I am totally using someone else's idea. Don't sue me, I don't own it, just use it.

**Dear, Myself**

**Chapter Three: The Letter**

**By: Luna**

_In the dark, I heard someone crying…_

Usagi woke up with a jolt, tiredly rubbing her eyes as she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, that damn voice still whispering in her head. She was bothered by it, but for the life her she couldn't figure out why. Wasn't it a good thing that some part of her memory was coming back to her?

And yet, it seemed forced, as if something – or someone – inside her head wanted her to remember faster than she was comfortable with. Why was it pushing her towards Mamoru?

With a sigh she stood up, her fingers unerringly moving towards her nightstand to finger the folded letter. She toyed with the envelope for a while before she fingered up the lip, but she hesitated when they rested on the letter within. She was scared, she realized with a frown. She was scared to read her own damn letter. Despite the fact that that startled a laugh out of her, she still put the letter down and went about getting ready for her day. She wasn't exactly sure what she should do, but she wouldn't focus on that right now.

Fist, shower. Next, get dressed. Then she'd go down and eat something and figure out what to do. If she were honest, the first thing that came to mind was to call Mamoru, and it irritated her. It was all the dreams fault – otherwise, she was sure that wouldn't have been her first thought when waking up. Because really, it was way to cheesy to think that her last thought upon sleeping would be of him, along with her first thought of waking up. Who really did that anyways? Not her, that's for sure.

She sighed again, because she was just trying to convince herself and failing miserably. So she stopped herself from pulling on her shoes and sat on her bed again and pulled out her letter before she could change her mind again. Then, taking a deep breath, she looked down and started to read. It was dated two years before, so obviously she and Mamoru knew each other for a long time before her accident and amnesia.

_Dear, Myself_

_Today is the first day of school! It's going to be so great, so fulfilling, and I can't wait to love it. I'm going to make so many friends and maybe even meet the love of my life. Who knows? Like the saying goes, this is the first day of the rest of my life! Right?_

Usagi stared down in disgust at the overly cheerful handwriting and recalled Mamoru telling her once that he hated it when people forced kindness on others, and she was beginning to realize who he had been talking about. It seems her past self stopped writing there and continued on a few weeks later, apparently on the day Mamoru first met past Usagi.

_I met a boy today, and let me tell you it's not what you'd think at first. This is NOT the love of my life that I thought I'd meet at school!_

_He was so mean to me! I approached him despite him always wearing that cold look on his face and glaring at all the students and even when he was rude to all the teachers. I went up to him anyways every day, always saying hello, good morning, how are you, isn't it a nice day today? And you know what he said to me?!_

_He called me a goddamned hypocrite!_

_What does that even mean, anyways?_

_He said he didn't want kindness forced on him; that there were some people I wouldn't be able to treat the same. That I was a hypocrite simply by treating everyone the same and never choosing 'favorites', and that it wasn't fair to others in my treatment of them __**because**__ I never chose a favorite. But is it really as bad as he's making it sound…? _

_He said that he felt sorry for me because I'll never fully live, and that he loved himself enough to live life to the fullest __**for**__ himself, and often by himself. And then he asked me…_

Here, the girl was obviously having trouble writing it down, for her following words seemed forced, the pen having pressed in deeply in the paper and the words in a jerky format.

"_Do you even love yourself? What good will ever come of you denying yourself completely to please the lives of others? In the end, I think you'll be the sorry one. You'll __be the one regretting life alone, pleasing others until your dying breath."_

_And then he said… He said… he hated me. Well, okay, he said he hated people like me. _

_But isn't that the same as saying he hated me?_

_I don't understand. This is the only way I know how to live. What is so wrong with that?_

_Is it wrong to want everyone around you to be happy? Is it wrong to draw happiness from others? Am I, like he was saying, forcing myself on others through kindness? _

_I… I don't even know how to view myself anymore. _

It seems she picked up the story a little while later, after they got over their argument and when they started to "fall in love".

_He smiled at me today. _

_He smiled at me, and I swear my heart just dropped to my feet and I couldn't stop staring at him. It made him self conscious, for he dropped it and immediately started pretending as if he never smiled at all and started being an ass to me, but I will never forget it._

Usagi winced at this.

_It was so beautiful, and it made him beautiful. All that loneliness seemed to just fade away, and all that darkness turned to light and for once he actually looked his age. He looked young, he looked carefree, and (OMG I can't believe I'm going to write this) he looked as if he loved me._

_But that's just silly, right? Mamoru, loving me? _

_After, he seemed to just fall into himself, as if that one small opening; that one small chink in his armor made everything he built around his heart crumble and his past just rush at him before he was ready, and the Mamoru that I knew seemed to fade before my eyes. He started looking haggard and thin, as if he wasn't eating anymore, and when I started grilling Rei, it seems that's exactly what was happening._

_He stopped eating, he stopped speaking, and apparently he wasn't sleeping very well. Then I… I did the unthinkable. _

_I approached Rei's father. _

_If you're laughing now, believe me, it's no laughing matter. Rei's father is probably the most scariest man I've ever seen or spoke with, and I bet the reason he's so successful at what he does because he literally scares away the competition. Rei definitely didn't get her good looks from him_

Usagi had to laugh at that, wondering what the man actually looked like_._

_I asked him about Mamoru and his past, and he actually gave me a straight answer. Despite his scary demeanor, Rei's father seemed to genuinely care for Mamoru and, even scarier, he seemed to think as if I were the one to save him._

_He told me that Mamoru had been abused and beaten all throughout his childhood, and though unconfirmed; he might have been abused in more ways than with fists and words. After his parents died in an accident and left him with amnesia, everyone in his life seemed to abandon him or hurt him, and that was the reason why he seemed to be so gruff and unapproachable. Mr. Hino said that Mamoru seemed to change when he met me though and it gave Mr. Hino hope._

_Mamoru actually seemed to relax at home and seemed to be enjoying life._

_And he said that it was because of me. _

_ME!_

_I don't know what's scarier: the fact that I'm in love with him, or that he might be in love right back. _

She keeps on writing about how they actually kissed once or twice and the trials they both went over to help him with his past and how she's never felt more herself than when she was with Mamoru. The letter stops and seems to pick up a few days before Usagi's accident.

_I love him. I love him, I love him, I love him…_

_And I'm going to tell him. _

_Today._

_It's taken so long for me to continue this letter, but it's taken me that long to get the nerve up to actually tell him. I know he knows. I know he feels the same. But we've never actually came out and told each other, and I think it's about time we try. I've already called him and asked him to meet me at the park, and again I know that he knows what it is I want to tell him. _

_It's taken us so long to get here, and I've grown in so many ways thanks to him. He smiles at me now, and I've never seen such a beautiful expression. It makes me happy, and in the end I realize everything just comes down to one simple fact._

_I love Mamoru, and I want him always to be smiling. _

_Don't you?_

The letter ended, but that wasn't the only reason Usagi had to stop reading. The words started to blur, and it was only then that she realized that she had been crying. Why…?

She didn't understand, and she didn't know exactly what she was doing, but by the time she realized she had already pulled on her shoes and was heading out the door, knowing instinctively where she was going.

She was going to see Mamoru.

Hopefully that was a good enough chapter for everyone! I know it's taken me FOREVER to update, but there was a reason, I swear! I'm making a BIG move from D.C. all the way down to Florida, and I've been busy packing my things and settling things at work that I haven't been able to find time to write. I've just gotten settled into my new rented room, but I still have to go to Starbucks so I can use the wireless internet they have there.

And now that I'm taking night classes that last from twelve to three and then five in the evening to one o'clock in the morning… well, I have even less time than before, since I use my mornings to work out for at least two hours, take a shower, then run over to my school and study for two more hours before I go to school for seven or so hours.

But thank you for sticking with me! Again, hopefully it was what you guys were looking for. Stay tuned for the next Sailor Moon story that I've been writing! (And if you're an Inuyasha fan as well, stay tune for a brand new story I've been cooking up that's coming out soon as well as updates to **My Sixth Sense**!)

Luna


	5. Chapter 4

Standard disclaimer applies

Standard disclaimer applies. I don't own, so you don't sue.

Here it is at last, the final chapter of Dear, Myself. I'm sorry it took so long, but life has a habit of interrupting fiction. Here's the last installment, please feel free to check out my other stories.

**Dear, Myself**

**Chapter Four: I remember you**

**By: Luna**

\\\/

_"In the dark, I heard someone crying."_

The voice whispered in her ear, and when Usagi jerked on her heel, she stumbled back a few steps when she came face to face with herself. No, not herself, she realized with wide eyes. The other her. The first Usagi.

She was standing in a cute summer dress and barefoot, and she seemed to be floating a few inches off the ground, her golden hair suspended all around her. She turned and smiled at Usagi, her eyes a bright, innocent blue. _"He had such lonely eyes, and his cries were very, very sad. I gave him a rose, and he smiled at me."_

She once again found herself standing in that white room with a mini Usagi and a mini Mamoru with his head wrapped up in gauze, and he was staring at a rose that the mini-Usagi had thrust into his hands with that dumb founded look on his face. Slowly, she looked at the other Usagi and watched as she smiled fondly at her memory before it faded away. They were once again alone and surrounded by darkness, the only space illuminated by light was where they were standing. She turned to Usagi and said the words she had already heard once in a dream.

_"Don't you want him always to be smiling?"_ She smiled again and finally turned fully so she and Usagi were face to face. _"He was all alone, you know. He had just lost a friend, and now alone with amnesia in the middle of an orphanage that didn't want grown little boys, he was more alone than ever before. I had seen him. We had seen him. And we had loved him."_

Usagi shook her head, wanting to escape this dream and go back to reality. She had thought she left the house to look for Mamoru, yet the minute she stepped outside it seemed she was stuck inside her old mind.

The other Usagi still smiled while she shook her head. _"He needs us now, more than ever. We are all he has. He believes we're all he needs. We need to help him. We need to love him once again."_

Trembling, Usagi held out her hands as if to ward off the other girl when she started to float towards her, her ghostly arms outstretched. "S-stay away. I'm not you! I'm my own person. You can't change me into something else!"

The girl didn't stop until she floated right to Usagi, her face mere inches away.

_"Please,"_ She whispered in her ear._ "Protect Mamoru's smile."_

Then she put her arms around Usagi's shoulders and the world shattered into a million pieces of light.

Jgkjgkjgkjh,jk

Mamoru was waiting for her.

She didn't know how he knew she was on her way, but the minute she found herself in the apartment Rei's father rented out for him and found him standing on the balcony, Usagi knew that he had been waiting for her. She had sat on her front porch for nearly an hour, still spooked about the other Usagi speaking to her, until she once again brought up the courage to seek Mamoru out.

He looked so lovely with the sun silhouetting behind him, the wind blowing his dark hair over his brow. He smiled a little at her, but his eyes were somber. "Usagi-chan, I'm glad you came over. Your mother told me you'd be by."

Usagi blinked in surprise, wondering how her mother knew. Mamoru answered that for her as if he knew what she was thinking. "She saw you outside the house, she said, with an odd look on your face. She had a feeling it was to come over to see me."

"Oh." Usagi said simply. She walked over to stand beside him on the balcony, smiling out from over the view. "It's very lovely here. The view is breathtaking!"

"Yes," He agreed, "The view is what made me ask my uncle to let me rent it. He gave it to me at a ridiculously low price, but I'm not complaining."

"He makes you pay rent?" Usagi asked with a raised brow. If she had all the money in the world, the least she'd be able to do was rent out a room for free – especially for a family member.

Mamoru shrugged and leaned against the railing, his large hand resting close to hers. "I asked him to. I didn't feel comfortable living for free."

Silence reigned over, until finally Usagi broke it. "What was I like before?" At his surprised look, she pressed. "Please. I need to know."

He shifted before he turned back towards the apartment. "Come on, I'll make you some coffee."

Her nose crinkled at the thought since she really didn't like coffee, but followed him anyways. The apartment could almost be called sparse, because other than the usual couch, coffee table, TV and entertainment center, there was nothing on the walls but paintings that you would find in a hotel. There was a plant by a bookshelf, but that was it. Did he not like to surround himself with pictures and memories of his friends and family?

Mamoru started to fill the pitcher with water, his beautiful face serene as he started to speak. "You had amnesia before, did you know that?"

Usagi didn't, and told him so. He continued speaking even as he poured the water in the coffee maker and opened up a lid to put inside the filter and grounds. "Your mother used to work at a bank when you were young. She went in one time with you to visit friends and turn in a deposit, when robbers burst through the doors and started shooting."

He closed the lid and pressed a button that lit up the minute he let go, and she heard the sounds of it heating up the water. "She was panicked because you were with her and she was pregnant with your little brother, and the robbers didn't like her sudden movement when she tried to pull you close, and clubbed you over the head with the butt of one of their guns."

The coffee maker hissed, but Usagi couldn't be distracted. "She cried for days, because you wouldn't wake up and she didn't know if you ever would. Until one day you did, and it was like nothing ever happened. Nobody knew anything was wrong until a few days later, and they realized you didn't remember anything at all. No one knew what to do, so they acted like nothing had happened and continued living on as normal, but she says you never slept at night the same way. You had nightmares, and tossed and turned all the time."

"Your mom thinks that the Usagi that appeared after this recent accident has been the real you all along, and the Usagi you had been before has merely faded away now that you finally woke up." He started to pour two cups, then thought better of it and filled one mug up with water before sticking it in the microwave.

That hurt, Usagi realized. It actually hurt that her mother said that; it was as if she couldn't accept this new Usagi.

Mamoru waited a minute, then pulled it out and made her a hot chocolate before pouring himself some coffee. He brought it up to his lips to drink, but then slammed it right back down and stared intently at her. "Usagi, I don't care what is true. No matter who you are, you are you. I will always love you, no matter what Usagi you are. You're not so different from before as much as you think you are."

He stepped around the counter and Usagi didn't resist when he reached out and pulled her to his chest. "You still hate coffee and you're clumsy all the time. Yes," He said when she pulled away to look up at him in surprise. "I was watching you come up, and I saw you trip coming into the building." He ignored her red face and tucked her back against him. "You still crinkle your nose when something displeases you. You still laugh the same. You smile the same. It doesn't matter if you don't remember me, Usako, it doesn't matter."

Usagi pulled away, and smiled when she looked up to see his hurt expression. She soothed it away with her fingertips; reaching up to trace his beloved face and memorize it all over again. She hesitated before speaking, but knew it had to be said. "In the dark, where all my memories used to be, I see you."

She reached on her tip toes so she could wrap her arms around his neck, smiling into his confused eyes. "Where I know no one else; not my parents, my brother, or even those girls who are supposed to be my best friends."

"They _are_ your best friends." He interrupted, but she shushed him with a look.

"Where nothing else exists except darkness and a feeling of loss, I see your face and suddenly feel whole again. I don't remember everything," She warned when his face started dawning with realization. "But I remember you. Or at least a little bit of you."

"What part?" He asked with a smile, his arms tightening around her as she smiled up at him, her eyes soft as she cupped his face in her hands.

"Your smile." She whispered, before she pulled his face down and kissed him.

In her mind's eye she saw the other Usagi smiling at her before she turned and started to fade away, her words echoing back one more time. _"I love Mamoru, and I want him always to be smiling. Don't you?"_

Laughing, Usagi threw her arms around Mamoru's neck once more and answered laughingly; joyfully:

_Yeah._

--

It was short, but I hadn't updated this story in so long I kind of lost the ryhthyme to it, and I want to apologize if I disappointed anyone. I'll be posting another Sailormoon fic shortly – one that's already finished – so there will be no trouble updating. Please stay tuned and remember, as always, to review.

Luna


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